Sunday, June 30, 2019

1SE: June 2019


I cannot believe it...we are halfway done with 2019 AND tomorrow I'll pretty much be halfway done (19 weeks) with this pregnancy, as the plan is to deliver before 38 weeks. INSANE!

So I've got another 1SE for ya...JUNE!

And I decided since we are 6 months down I'd throw in the halfway 2019 video too for your viewing pleasure as well.

And we are also 181 days through 2019 as well...WOW.  JUST WOW.  So here's the first 181 days of my #Mooneybandw2019 for ya too.

Onto July...and cannot wait to see what it brings!  2019 is still going strong and I'm loving all that it has brought this far...excited for the rest of the year and what it holds in store!!

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

18 Weeks: Then & Now

18ish weeks with Clark               vs.               18ish weeks with #5

Pregnancy after loss is an emotional rollercoaster: high highs, low lows, and more twists and turns and loop-de-loops than you could ever imagine.  And it's something that I think we are SO GOOD at celebrating -- those sweet little rainbow babies to come -- but don't ever really delve deep into the emotional toll and sometimes turmoil behind these announcements and sharings, or bump pictures.  The second pic is me, today, just over 18 weeks with our little rainbow...and the first pic is me, a little less than 9 months ago at around 18 weeks with Clark.  The first thing I did when I put these pics side by side (since I am such a sucker for comparison snaps) is compare my belly size: definitely smaller now, same-ish shape, face is thinner, albeit more weathered, slight smile today vs. stern face 9 months ago.  I study these two pics over and over and convince myself that things are different now -- YES.  They are different; I've been told every other week at my OB appointments and ultrasounds that THINGS ARE DIFFERENT, there is no fluid where it shouldn't be, baby is growing healthily...I'm not nearly as big as I was at 18 weeks with Clark.  But there's still that tinge inside of me, that fear, those what ifs that something may not be right.  And then I look closer at these pics again...same room, same mirror, same decor...except today's pic has things that take my breath away when I notice them: Clark's urn.  His heartbeat bear.  The few things we have that are actually HIS that are all that we have to hold on to...and that weren't in my bump pic almost 9 months ago.  It's crushing, really: to be excited and happy for this new little bean growing my belly, but then be forever sad and missing our Clark.

And why do I share this?!  Because, like most things surrounding loss, it isn't talked about.  And sometimes, even with rainbows, you still weather those storms each and every day until that rainbow breaks through.

I shared a briefer version of this post (posted below), but figured I'd expand on it a bit in my blog post.  It is such a rollercoaster...and every day, heck, every minute, I'm finding myself experiencing different emotions and thoughts.  Counting down the days until this sweet little rainbow is on our arms.  So soon, little one. So soon.  Keep growing in there and keep watching over this little one Clark man.

18 weeks with # 5 and Clark {swipe}. So many similarities, yet so many differences in those almost 9 months between these pics. What’s funny is the Clark is in both of them, just in different spots 💙 As deeper as this pregnancy gets, I keep reminding myself over and over that things are okay...and will be okay; that our Clark hand-picked this little one for us and he/she WILL BE joining our family in November. Pregnancy after loss is freaking hard, and staying positive is sometimes even harder. But I’m trying to challenge myself everyday to do just that, and continue to seek to find the good in all of our loss. Sometimes the storm lasts right up until that rainbow peeks out — but it does come. Weathering our storm each and every day and knowing we’ll get to see that rainbow in the end oh-so-soon. Less than 5 months to go little one and we are so ready for you! 🌈 

Monday, June 24, 2019

18 Weeks 🌈

EIGHTEEN WEEKS.  HOLY COW.  We probably have less than 20 weeks to go...and a week from Wednesday is my big anatomy scan...definitely past halfway by then.  I *think* I'll set my c-section date too...CRAZY.  CRAZY!  I see my OB this Thursday and then immediately again next Wednesday after my ultrasound.  I will say I am feeling a lot less anxious right now...but I'm sure that anxiety will creep back up, per usual, as Thursday approaches.  YEE HAW.  I go back to see the high risk guy in about 4 weeks hopefully that'll be another appointment with good news.

So last week definitely changed my 'hard girl' guess and I'm on team boy this week.  I am carrying SO LOW and I have to pee every 5 seconds and yeah, I think it's a little man in there.  Truly, I don't care AT ALL: I just want a healthy baby!

Not really anything else super exciting to report this week, other than I keep teetering between super excited and wanting to order all sorts of new things for this winter babe and not being able to pull the trigger and holding off for fear of it not actually happening.  Last fall is too fresh in my mind (and hell, it probably will ALWAYS BE) that I just am so guarded and so cautious with my excitements.  Gah.  Pregnancy after loss is so hard.

Other than that I've been feeling pretty good, minus having to pee ALL OF THE TIME.  The nausea is pretty much gone (woooooot!) and truly I'm in that second trimester sweet spot where things aren't terribly awful and I'm not too gigantic yet :)

Alrighty friends, that's all I've got!  Have a great's my 18 week predictions and the last 3 kiddos' 18 week updates for ya.  Until week 19, adios!!

Current Gender Prediction?BOY
Baby is the size of...Candy Apple
Cravings?Honey Nut Cheerios
Overall mood?EXCITED with a side of anxiety
Rings on or off?ON!
Movement?tiny little random flutters
Linea Nigra?Supppppper faint bellow belly button

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Rosie's Big Dance Recital

Oh what a fun day it was!!  I almost titled this "Rosie's 1st Dance Recital" butttt I realized she had a little one around Christmas time back in December so we'll just call this her first BIG recital :)

Anyways, what a great day for Rosie -- she said later is was her best day ever.  And she knocked her performance out of the park!  I am so proud of her!!  So I want to mention (toot my own horn?!??!) that today was the first time I have EVER curled anyone's (include myself!) hair!  I think I did decently-ish, huh?!

Rosie's performance was at 2pm so we decided to leave a little before 1 to go get seats, and duh.  Before we left I had to do a little photo shoot (it was raining ugh so we had to use the bench!!) of her in her adorable costume!

Her expressions KILL ME.  But she was SO EXCITED for her performance and I was so excited to watch her!  I mean, I've seen her in practice a bit but didn't know how she'd do in front of a crowd of people.

Welpppppppp, she ROCKED IT.  Seriously!  She did SO GOOD and I am so freaking proud of her!

She did amazing.  I could look at her pics and video all day long!  I am so glad she had a blast and enjoyed herself AND danced!  I was legit nervous she was just going to stand there with her arms crossed looking pissed off.  So yay that didn't happen!

The entire performance was about 2 dad stayed home with Annie who napped and Mike, Patrick, my aunt Kate and mom all went!  Mike got about 2 hours of sleep before we went sooooooo he was tired...but!  Fear not!  I had a job for him (and me too!) to keep us both awake:


So Rosie performed in ONE out of 39 performances.  YIKES.  And hers was #29.  HOWEVER, I had a few friends there who had kiddos in the recital sooooo naturally I asked which ones their kiddos were in, took note, and snapped away for them!

Patrick got in on the action too and I still cannot believe he was able to hold that beast of my camera + lens up!

At the end there was the grand finale and Rosie was clearly loving it...once she realized what was going on. Haha.  RB face in full force at first!

At the end Patrick ran up on stage to give her her flowers and it was the cutest freaking thing I have EVER seen.  Me = puddle of emotions.

AND THEN, just as we were leaving, something SNAPPED with Rosie (no nap, perhaps?!!): she LOST it.  First over not having her coloring sheet she drew and gave to NeeNee back in the dressing room, and then, in the parking lot when I asked her to take a pic with her flowers and she LOST IT with how heavy they were.  Of course, mom of the year here just snapppppped away.  Haha!

These might be my most favorite pics I've ever taken of her.  Ohhhhh, how hard it is to be a 4 year old dancer.  HAHA!

But she did perk back up and we managed to sneak in a pic of our tiny dancer with mom and dad when she was much happier :)

All in all, it was a GREAT day for our Rosie!  She cannot wait to go back to dance class in the fall and I cannot wait to see what she does this coming year in her class!  Who knows, maybe Annie will be starting dance soon too...we'll see!!

This & That

I know a lot of my posts lately have been focused on baby #5 and updates with that...and I feel like it's been a hot minute where I kinda did a rambling update post.

BUT!  Fear not!  I've got that for you today!  Lucky you!!

And truly, this is gonna be all over the place and a giant photo dump mostly cause I have a ton of pics and I've slacked on blogging and posting them.  HAHA!  LIFE HAS BEEN BUSY!

First off, I've had 2 births in the past week and that makes 10 births documented in the past 6 weeks or so. HOLY CATS.  So busy!! I've got EIGHT births booked between early August and early September and I am hoping and praying they don't overlap AT ALL!  HAHA!  So keep your fingers crossed for me that we luck out and don't have any overlappin' right as school is getting back in session...cause I sure hope I can document ALL OF THESE for these amazing families!!!

Earlier this week I took Annie to the pool and her favorite pool toy is my naturally here are a few snaps that this little lady captured:

Gosh isn't she a hoot?!?!  She kills me!  Speaking of, at the pool we got asked to go to lunch with Charlie and Giselle and Annie got to pick:

So duh! We went to MOD Pizza!

Man they love going out to lunch.  We actually were spoiled this week and got to go out twice -- with uncle Ben and my dad to IMOS earlier in the week too!

They really REALLY love cheese.  I totally order salad for them but hold the dressing and lettuce.  Yes, they just want a bowl of cheese. And God bless these employees for doing that for them!!

My sweet, adorable new niece Eliza came home from the NICU (she was hatched at 33 weeks 3 weeks ago!!) and I got to go over and take her newborn pics!  Patrick got some snuggles with her first and then I got to go over a few days later for her newborn snaps and I am obsessed with how they turned out!  Can't wait for the second 2019 kiddo to join her in November!!

Mike and my's mother/father's day gift from my parents was Cardinals tickets...the game when Albert Pujols was back for the first time in 8 years!  We were so stoked to go.

And I got serious goosebumps the ENTIRE GAME -- standing ovation for every at bat -- for a visiting player!  Gosh, STL is such a great sports town and was just wonderful to Albert.  One of my favorite games I've ever been too.  Probably second to game 6 in 2011.

On Friday this past week we got invited to Rosie's buddy Jack's house for a swim party.  Both Annie and Rosie got to go and it was chilly but so much fun!!  I had the GoPro out again and got some real gems I think. haha!

The girls had a BLAST and I think NeeNee did too!  Rosie loved the diving board and Annie did it once and was like yeah no, not doing that again.  HAHA!  But it was a fun morning before the torrential rain came pouring in...again.  I am SO OVER this wet weather!

On Saturday one of my shoots got canceled (poop!) and so did Patrick's baseball game (I swear he's played like 2 games all season!!) so we headed to my uncle Chuck's memorial.  It was WET.  But the kids LOVED getting to use their umbrellas in the rain.

Yeah, they love the rain way more than I do.  Haha!!

BUT!  After nap time on Saturday, the skies opened up (finally!!), I was able to get my evening shoot in, and the kids got some playtime outside before dinner and baths.

Totally obsessed with the pics of the big kids in front of Clark's tree too...somehow we had magic and they were all smiling and looking! MAGICCCCCCC!!! WOOT!!  Definitely my new phone screensaver.  

This may be 'meh' but I'm excited about it: the kids new backpacks (from Pottery Barn Kids) came in the mail this week and I'm LOVING them!  They haven't seen them yet but are gonna flip when they do!  EEKKKK!!

AHHHHH!  Rosie had her final dance practice this week and she's got her big recital later today (I'm sure I'll have a separate post on that...bringing my big camera and lens!  But we snapped a few pics for her last dance class to celebrate...she had such a great year and cannot wait for her recital and class to start again next year!

Okie dokie, that's about all I've got...but, I've got some random photos and videos for ya too that are worth dumping here and you taking a look at cause I'm not at all biased but they are freaking adorable!!!

Have a good one my friends...happy {almost} new work week!!
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