Friday, May 31, 2019

1SE: May 2019

Holy cats.  May officially FLEW by.  I cannot believe it's over and tomorrow starts JUNE!  Insaneeeeeeeee.  Cannot believe that I'll be 15 weeks along on Monday too...never have been 'this' pregnant in the summer either so it should be super fun being giant and hot smack dab in the middle of the summer.  Someone yesterday told me they COULD NOT believe I wasn't due in June.  Well, thanks...but nope, FIVE FREAKING MONTHS after that.


Okay!  So May was a good one...lots and lots of fun one second clips from this month and it may be my most favorite month of videos yet.  Lots of love in these clips and some sadness too (miss you so much Clark man), but still looking forward to the good that the last 7 months of 2019 is going to hold!

Andddddd, while I've got you here, here's 365 collage thus far...all 151 days of it!  You can check them all out individually here too.

That's all I've got folks!  Onto June we gooooooo!!!

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Clark's Home

Deep posts all around today. Goodness Alex.

Clark’s tiny little urn came today…something that took me over 6 months to FINALLY sit down, pick out, and click order.  Something that I had been avoiding and putting off — “I’ll do it another day” became my motto.  And finally, 6 months after we had to say hello and see you later all at the same time, I sat down and ordered a place for him. A custom, one-of-a-kind, hand-thrown ceramic resting spot that is all his own.  When it came it took me HOURS to open it…and then even longer to move his little ashes into it — something that in the last 7 months I haven’t been able to actually bring myself to do.  I’m good at writing down my thoughts, but I’m also really good at avoiding things too. THIS SHIT IS HARD PEOPLE. So much harder than I ever could have imagined…and it’s very much that wave: sometimes tiny, sometimes massive, but never really knowing just how big that grief of loss is going to strike.  And today was just a doozy. But as sad and as rattled as my emotions are, I am so glad we finally have a place for Clark that isn’t just a box from the funeral home. He’s got his own spot in our house, decorated in blue, for him to watch over us for always 💙 and if he can’t be here with us, I guess that’s the next best place for him to be. 

urn from:


I posted this very same thing on my Instagram account today and figured it would be a good thing to add to my blog depot too.  So sorry if you're seeing it twice :)

Novella here today. Sorry. I have a love-hate relationship with OB appointments. And truly, after Clark, I don’t think it’ll ever fade. I LOVE my OB — love that she lets me come in as often as I want, doesn’t hesitate when I ALWAYS ask her to pull in the portable ultrasound and take a peek, love that she will reply to my text message questions at any time, love the support that she has and continues to provide.  But man, I HATE the feeling I get leading up to my appointments. I hate the pit in my stomach feeling that we’re going to get bad news, that they’re going to see something that shouldn’t be there on the ultrasound, that we’re going to hear that crippling, devastating word again: fatal.  My heart races and pounds and I am sick to my stomach walking in every.single.time. But I also get this feeling in between appointments too, when my mind races and ventures to those scary what ifs. There truly is no escaping it…and that sucks. But, as I just felt today, leaving her office after a great appointment, great heart rate (160s!!), great little peek on the ultrasound and no fluid (or anything else for that matter!) where it shouldn’t be…I sighed a big sigh of relief and told myself that everything, all of the stomach pits and nausea and all of that is worth it for a good report, good day right there and right now.  And to focus on the good NOW. So I’m going to try and do that. And it’s hard…because in two more weeks I will start this journey allllllll over again when my next appointment creeps up. But staying positive, reminding myself THIS IS WORTH IT, and in a little over 5 months I’ll hopefully be holding that sweet little rainbow babe in my arms and sighing the biggest sigh of relief I ever have.  Holding that feeling in my sights 🌈😘

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Back to the Pool!

The pool is officially opennnnnnnnnn!!!! The big kids spent the weekend at the lake so they got a TON of swim time in then, but we finally got the kiddos (well, 2 of the 3 of them. haha) out to the Lodge for a pool date! 

I freaking LOVE the tot time they do in the mornings -- an hour of kids only swimming in the kid pool/splash pad before the pool opens.  It's the BEST...because it's in the morning and we can get swimming in before lunch and naps.

Now the pool was FREEZING.  I swear it was like 50 degrees in there (BRRRR) but the kiddos

Patrick snatched my GoPro and snapped some real gem of videos!  Gosh he's so darn funny!

Man this kid loves recording with the GoPro and I hope it never stops!!

So I didn't wear my suit but Mike did and I've clearly trained him well to get down and close to get the shot with the kids coming down the slides.

I swear they went down the slide about a billion times.  Annie's definite favorite.

Patrick also realllllllly enjoyed the splash pad too.  He loved having those buckets dump water on him!


Clearly we will be spending a ton of time here this summer...hopefully with Rosie there with us too :)

Happy hump day's to a great rest of your week!!!

Monday, May 27, 2019

That Backyard Light

The big kids are still at their vacation home (gosh livin' the life this Memorial Day weekend!) so when Annie and I got home from uncle Brian's birthday dinner (Mike was still there finishing up some stuff from helping his dad with they started earlier in the afternoon), I got her out of the car and she said, "Go take pictures?"  UM OKAY.  Twist my arm, okayyyyyy girlfriend.  You want me to go take pics we can.  Of course she wanted Purple Bunny to come too and fine, easy concession to get her to willingly snap some pics!

It was about 6:30pm and the light in the backyard (which I haven't snapped in in FOREVER it seems) was GORGEOUSSSS so out we went!  But first putting on one of her dresses we got for her in Hawaii.

Welp, she ROCKED IT.  Gosh she is so darn cute!

We had to sneak in a shot with Purple Bunny too...clearly... ;-)

I love how you can see her name on his ear too!

And then I had to snap a few pics with my iPhone...just to do this.  I LOVE my iPhone and LOVE taking pics with it, but I've said it before: it's got NOTHING on my big camera!  And this just proves it.  I love the left pic but if I had to choose, I'd pick the right alllllll day long.  Plus I could blow the right up like wall size and there would be ZERO quality lost...the left would be grainy as can be!  So just a little photog PSA: your iPhone is great for pics, but if you're wanting professional quality ones, have a photog do them ;-)

Welp that's all I've got for this little Memorial Day post! I hope every had a great long weekend...enjoy your shortened work week friends!!

14 Weeks 🌈

Well hello there second trimester!  So good to see you again!!  And I feel like my belly has gone HELLLOOOO too this past week cause holy big baby bump Alex!

My next appointment is this Thursday with Dr. Jen -- I'm sure I'll ask her to roll in the portable ultrasound just to take a peek again because paranoid polly over here is so worried that something is going to develop in between ultrasounds and gahhhh.  I just hate NOT seeing that little bean on the screen!!  I mean, this helps A TON at home...

But I like to see that babe too.  Because I do very much remember saying how nice it was to hear Clark and surely that meant everything was alright with him and we very much know now that wasn't the case.  Baby can sound fine but look not so much...therefore, a little sneak is what I want to see!!!

This past week I feel like the nausea has definitely been way less (yahoooooo!) but the tiredness is SO BAD.  Like I fantasize about taking a nap and when I can catch 30 minutes of shut eye.  It's wild.  I'm hoping that second trimester 'boost of energy' is around the corner quick cause I would SO LOVE to feel it right about now.  So thankful I make my own schedule 90% of the time and can work in naps! haha!

Not much else to report this week...other than I swear I have felt a few times the teeniest of tiniest little flutters!!  Which when I read back to 14 weeks with Rosie I noted that in there too so I am totally convinced I have felt something!  Anxious for those to get stronger and stronger and more frequent as the weeks go on!

Okay!  That's all I've got!  WAIT.  Had to include this: little bump collage from weeks 4 - 14.

Here's 14 weeks with Rosie, Annie, Clark and #5. HOLY BELLY NOW batman!

Okay now I'm done :) Here's a few notes from week 14, the past posts from the previous kiddos (still major regret not documenting ANYTHING with Patrick's pregnancy. UGH. SO MUCH REGRET!) and onto week 15 friends!  Have a good one!!

Current Gender Prediction?GIRL
Baby is the size of...Lemon
Cravings?Anything with peanut butter
Overall mood?Nausea is better, SUPPPPER tired
Rings on or off?ON!
Movement?teeniest of tiniest little flutter
Linea Nigra?Nope!

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Patrick & Rosie's Last Day of School


Today was the big kids LAST day of school.  SIDE NOTE: I need to get darker expo markers cause HOLD LIGHTNESS on the writing!!!  GAH!  Oh well.  Squint hard and you can read it.

DONE with Kindergarten.  DONE with 3s preschool.  ONE year of preschool left for Rosie and she'll be in Kindergarten (WHATTT??!?!) and Patrick is basically a teenager now as he'll be in FIRST GRADE (HOW?!??!) come August.

I cannot CANNOT believe it.  I feel like I was just penning their first day of school posts (Patrick's here, Rosie's here)!  Crazy CRAZY how fast this year went for them.  And heck, for us.  It's been an insane whirlwind of a past 9 months for our family...way more than any kids their ages should have to experience or deal with, but they have...and done so with grace and taking things in their strides.  They truly are amazing kiddos and I am so proud to be their mama!

Patrick had a half day, Rosie had a full day!  And I realize I usually write separate posts for them for their 'firsts and lasts' but since they were on the same day, I am saving you two posts to read (you're welcome!) and just doing them together :)

My oh my how these kids have grown since August!  I feel like they've both matured, really developed their own little personalities even more, and just become even cooler than I thought they ever could be!

Both of them absolutely LOVED school this year (a big thanks to their teachers!!) and I think are truly sad to see the school year go.  Fortunately they'll have a lot of routine this summer with camps and such, and I'm sure before we know it 10+ weeks are gonna sail by and all of a sudden I'll be blogging about the beginning of the school year!

All in all, these two had a great year of school, wonderful last day, and are ready to greet summer (and the pool!) head on!!  I hope they never ever lose this love for learning and school...because if I could bottle up their little school-lovin' selves as they are right now to keep them forever and always, I SO WOULD.

Happy summer vacation friends!!
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