Monday, April 29, 2019

6 Months {since Clark's birth}

I shared this post on my social media pages and figured it deserved it's own post here too.


6 months. 182 days. 4,368 hours. 262,080 minutes.  Some days it feels like only yesterday, other days it feels like a lifetime ago.  I cannot believe it’s been half a year since we had to say hello and see you later to our sweet little Clark.  And so much has happened in those 6 months, but not a moment goes by that Clark man isn’t at the forefront of my thoughts.

If I have learned anything in these past 6 months, it’s finding the good in the not-so-good situations we are sometimes faced with.  As much as I wish our #4 was still here with us — a cute little chubby 2 month old, I know that his story had other plans.  And while I dream about what it would be like to have this little boy here with our family, I know that those are merely that: dreams.  No amount of praying or hoping or wishing is going to bring him back.  And that reality sucks.  But somehow, deep down I’ve harnessed Clark’s memory and my love for photography into paying it forward for others in a very similar situation than what we faced with our sweet boy.  And as hard as each one of these births and loss sessions are, I know just how important — and how NEEDED — they are for these families to reflect and to heal.  Having Clark’s birth story captured was one of the hardest yet greatest decisions we’ve ever made, and he’s alive in me as I continue to provide these memories for other families, just as the incredible Victoria did for us.

Our kids talk about him every single day.  Just yesterday Patrick drew the cutest family picture of us with Clark flying above us with angel wings…something he came up with all on his own.  Annie, who I still don’t think fully grasps what happened, will immediately respond “RIGHT HERE!!!” and point to her heart when you ask her where Clark lives.  And Rosie, oh sweet Rosie, so literal in her “He died and went to heaven.” response when you ask her what happened to her little brother, still will end with how much she loves him even though he died.  And while my hopes and prayers for Clark to be back with now us are merely empty thoughts, my real hopes and prayers are that these big kids of mine keep their little brother alive in them, in their hearts, forever and ever.  Keep talking about him, keep sharing his story…because however short of a time he was here with us, he has made such a tremendous impact.  And using “Captures for Clark” for me allows me to continue to share his story and talk about him every day, just as if he were here with us.

I want to say thank you to everyone for the support these past 6 months…it has just been amazing.  And what’s even more amazing is when people ASK about him.  Use his name.  Bring him up in conversations.  Each and every time someone does this, my heart flutters (hi Clark 💙) and I get so happy that someone is asking about him, someone is remembering him.  This is how he’s staying so vibrantly alive in our memories.   So thank you…thank you for the continued thoughts and prayers and check-ins and just saying his name.  These past 6 months have been an incredibly challenging time for our family, and for Mike and I too as we navigate this world of pregnancy/infant loss as parents.  But they’ve also brought a lot of really, really good things too.  We have a little over 8 months left of 2019, and we have high hopes that the challenges of the past 6 months will bring us a lot of joy and happiness in the coming ones…with our little C by our side to guide us along the way.

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