I know I say in my weekly posts about how much this pregnancy has flown by and how quickly it has gone -- it really has, especially these last 8 or so weeks. I remember starting the school year finding out I was pregnant and thinking April was a million months away and that was the end of the school year and how slowwwwwww it would go. Oh, how wrong I was! Maybe it's because I love my new job and school, but it sure feels like this year has flown by.
Anyways, with the upcoming arrival of our second babe, it's had me step back and reflect a bit on some things I'm anxious about having 2 kids (under 2!)...and some things I am oh-so-very excited about. So, what a better way than to vent my anxieties and excitements than to blog it for the world (or 4 readers I probably really have -- thanks mom) to see. So, here it goes...in a list...cause those are my fave.
- How am I going to be able to handle, care for, and manage two kids on my own?! I saw on my own for the a'many nights where Mike is working and I'm flying solo. This definitely is my biggest anxiety about having another churro to care for. I know I can do it, and will do it, I am just anxious about what that will look like and the unknown of flying solo with an almost 2 year old and a newborn while my better half is working. I KNOW (and am so thankful for!) the immense amount of family help that have offered up their services those first few early weeks, but I am still anxious for when I'll be handling both...alone...at night.
- C-section recovery. Obviously I've had one before, but the circumstances were much different...and this one is scheduled. However, I am still anxious about my recovery with #2 because as much as I've been told (and am hoping and praying!) that a scheduled c-section recovery is lightyears better than one that wasn't, I am still anxious that I'll have a really rough time recovering. I am not so much anxious about actual "recovery" but more so the fact that for a good "6 weeks" (I say that loosely, probably more like 2-3, but 6 is the recommended so I'm going with that :) I can't really do much -- lift Patrick, clean the house (OCD neat freak here is already freaking out about the house being a disaster), take a bath, drive, laugh/cough without pain, etc... These things frighten me. And I know "they too will pass", but it still is a different recovery path this time since I have an almost 2 year old at home to manage as well.
- Bye-bye adult/social time. Another major anxiety for me. Right now, with just Patrick, it is oh-so-easy for us to dump him off on grandparents or family members to watch (or spend the night) when Mike and I have an event or need a date night. It's just one kid, he's easy peasy, can sleep anywhere, eats anything, and is relatively low-maintenance. In a few short days we'll have TWO kids that we'll need to dump off if we need adult time, and that is a lot harder, because not only is it Patrick, but now a baby who comes with more directions and gear (yes, even from my go-with-the-flow low-maintenance self!) than 10 Patrick's combined. Even if our family wants both or asks for both, my mom-guilt is already charged up feeling guilty and anxious about leaving two kiddos so we can (selfishly?!) have some adult time for a date, or party, or what not. Two is double one, and I just have a fear that our social time will be non-existent, or far and few between (mostly thanks to my mom guilt of dumping TWO kids off so we can go have non-kid time). This is a tough one for me.
- Venturing out into public...alone...with two kids. I know I will be doing this almost immediately when #2 is hatched, but it is still something that is a great unknown and cause of anxiety for me. Patrick has developed this new thing where he likes to run away from me (and for me to chase him), and that already makes me anxious about parking lots and unconfined trips in general. Throw a baby in the mix?! Holy toledo anxiety. My *plan* is to saddle #2 up as much as possible in the babywearing world (which I did almost zilch with Patrick, so I'm planning on doing a ton with #2 so I can potentially chase Patrick and wrangle him with 2 free hands) in my new Tula I got just for this babe. Nonetheless, even with a game plan, I am still mildly concerned about how going out with 2 is going to go. My buddy Tiff, who just had her second (and has 2 under 2 like we'll have!), has given me confidence in this regard, but again, until it happens, I'm a wittle anxious.
- The baby basics. Patrick, from what my ol' memory is (letting??) me remember, was a gem of a baby (probably cause he was the size of a 3 month old when he came out...) -- good sleeper, eater, pooper. Minus a little NICU stay when he was first hatched due to some blood sugar issues, he's been a happy, healthy, easy going baby and now toddler. I am way anxious that #2 will be the complete opposite of his/her sibling (and I'm actually preparing myself that he/she is going to be, because, yeah, just in case) and 1. not latch and/or nurse 2. be allergic/have issues to the gigantic stockpile of cloth diapers we have waiting for his/her bum 3. not sleep. Obviously I am preparing myself for all of these things to happen (and, Lord willing, none of them will and he/she will be just like their older sibling!), but I am still anxious about it because I don't know this baby or their needs (yet!) and that unknown gives me some anxiety.
- Regardless if this burrito is a boy or girl, I am SO unbelievably excited for Patrick to have a sibling. I see so many photos of friends kids who are close in age and it makes my heart melt. I cannot wait for that for Patrick and his sibling -- and to see him interact with him/her and change from the only child to eldest sibling. I know it won't all be rainbows and unicorns -- and I KNOW they will fight and argue and hate each other back and forth when they're older -- but still, it makes me excited about having 2 so close in age.
- Having TWO kiddos. I still find myself in shock and awe most days that I have ONE kid and that I am a mom, but in a few short days I'll actually have TWO kiddos who will call me mama. I think a lot of parents struggle with how they will love both of their kids when a second one comes -- I don't. I won't love Patrick any less than I do now; I will just develop a brand new love for this little one when he/she arrives. And then another new love of both of them together -- both of MY kids. Gosh, I'm getting teary and emotional writing this!
- This sounds so materialistic, but whatever. I'm going with it. I'm excited about matching outfits and matching diapers for Patrick and #2! Even if this baby is a girl, there WILL be coordinating and matching outfits happening. I.AM.SO.EXCITED. for this! You all know my profound love for pictures and photography, and I cannot wait for the (matching!) pics I will capture of these two -- or three, if you include Scoots in the mix. I know there will be a lot of stressful, life-hating moments ahead with two kids, but I try not to focus on those and instead focus on these little moments of matching picture excitements.
- Finding out #2's gender! This may seem oh-so-obvious as to what we're excited about, but it's been 9 long months of speculating and referring to this baby as an "it" and very soon we get to find out if it's a he or she! For me (and I think Mike too), it really doesn't become real to us until we see the baby and meet him or her -- which is one of the reasons we like not knowing! I've done a ton of speculating via the blog this past 3/4th of a year, and I still am thinking girl -- but I don't really know! I really can't wait to find out if it is a girl or boy and get to name them -- I get excited and goosebumps just thinking about that moment as I type this!
Whew. Okay, wow, I feel better! Sometimes it feels oh-so-good to air out both sides to something new, because it allows me to reflect on them and think about them way more than I do just grappling with them in my head. Don't get me wrong, I have anxieties (see above!) about having another kid, but I definitely feel like my excitements (and I'm sure there's even more than I listed!) far outweigh any anxieties (or mostly unknowns!) that I might have.
So, with that said, ten (or less! ekkk!) sleeps to go until I get the reality of experiencing all of the above. It's gonna be a wild ride: I'm ready! BRING IT.